counting my blessings…

yeah, another year has ended! as usual, i got lots of surprises again this year–good and bad ones! met wonderful people who taught me a lot of things. experienced all sorts of emotions that can be found in the psych dictionary-if a thing does exist… been around..got really big blows which i thought i couldn’t take but hey, theres gonna be another year coming and im actually still alive! which is a good thing coz not being alive was one of the options i considered during year 05, if you know what i mean…(i know, pathetic!) every year, its a different challenge, and this year was a big one too..so id like to take this opportunity to thank all these peole who made my my year 2005 a very turbulent yet wonderful event-filled year. (i’ll exempt my family because they’re the only constant people in my life, they have been there every year, so they already know that! hehe)

4B’s!!!–ok, usa-usahon ta mo…alphabetical order para walay biase. =)

bell- i know we’ve been going out as friends since pink balloon days but i never really felt that i shared an intimate moment with you til this year…(remember the phonecall?) thanks! loved window shopping and actually shopping with you! and thanks for the self-esteem boost you give me from time to time, it really helps though it may seem that i don’t take them serously..haha! mwuah!

chawo a.k.a. "bor"- i love it when you do your funny antics, they never fail to amuse me! best advice given? take everything at face value! thank you for staying with me til almost 1am on the phone almost everynight just so that id be ok…i really felt your concern. =) and bor, keep singing.. love it when you sing! thanks also for that thing you did for our 4bs newscast! and btw, everytime you "scold" or remind me with certain stuff, i feel like i have an elder sister..and that feels good. =)

eoni- well eonz, what can i say? we’re like experiencing the same fate this year! i’m blessed to have someone to share my weak and strong moments. thanks for the laughters that you gave us, i’ll forever remember your kabayutan! you know we love you for your sense of humor! and ofcourse thanks for the practical advices on fashion..next destination: carbon! eonz, dont worry, we’ll go back to bora with no excess baggages! God loves us! haha! mwuah!

kawen/wewinz - just like i told you, im thankful that we became close. i remember those conversations that we had back in first-second year college, im really happy that you’ve found your "home" in school–and glad to be part of it too! and wen, im proud of masterpieces! imagine, from photography, to editing films and making VTRs! wen, i would want to hook up with you in a business or whatever someday! work on it, you’ll be great!

mae- its with you that i really learned the value of loyalty… im amazed at what we’ve been through together. thanks for sharing your strength with me when i needed it. and also thanks for the free lunches and dinners at your place! hehe…thank you also for listening, thank you for pushing me to do crazy things too, like mae, her advices always differ from the rest of you guys, but they kinda work! wonderful friend…mwuah!

marian- so yan, its a given really that there are things where we don’t really agree. but yeah, ive learned to love you for who you are already! hahaha! solid and loyal partner in crime as FA’s. =) its funny how sometimes we clash, but that despite that, i miss you when your not around! hahaha! yan, i really hope you find that perfect guy for you… and yeah, i just love our favorite pose!

pampalak- you inspire me to be strong and to be a fighter! i love it when you say "those things" to the people who have hurt us or has done us wrong in one way or another…haha! i enjoy your posts on the bulletin, your tagalog humor…(i decided long ago, never to walk with edu manzano!) thanks for offering me a place to stay when i don’t want to be alone…thanks for staying with me til 4am at jollibee mango, and for everything else. like heni said, i’m like the left hand and your the right hand! best neighbor ive ever have!

sweet aka …- gawd ., i think ive told you everything already! but anyway, im never tired of it so i’ll say it again..haha.. thanks thanks thanks a million thanks for always listening to the things that i say-whether they make sense or not! its great that you came at the time when i was at my weakest point..its amazing that despite the fact that i just met you, i already held on to you as if you were my life support system! (like you were the first who’d know my thoughts first thing in the morning, 3months ago, when i was trying to accept the fact that its over) and hey, all that has paid off!but anyway enough of that since its over..youre still there..and whether i have a prob or im just plain bored, you never fail to make me happy. thanks…

tessa- so i guess you really are like my bro coz in the family, he’s my number one critic, and in cebu, that’s you! you know what tess, i really value those rare moments when you share things with me, and when we have "intelligent" conversations–which normally happens when we’ve had a couple bottles of beer! (weird, mabright na nuon kung hubog!) and yeah, im not kidding, i really do admire you as a person! i really find you pretty! hahaha! and, you may not think that i we don’t see it, but i know that everytime we have a get together, you always think for the sake of the group, like you want everyone to have fun. and you said your not a good leader? hell no! best team captain! daaaark daaark daaaark angels!

extended family of 4bs:

heni - the shopaholic! well henz, thanks for the pieces of advice. you never fail to amuse me by your kakikayan! haha! and ofcourse, i really appreciate it when you say stuff that boosts up my self esteem… thanks for the one million bangka! we’ll make it up to you when we already have jobs! =)

tally- certified no dull moment when im with you!! love it when you talk in that animated way of yours! and ofcourse, your slang english! hahaha! thanks also for the advice you gave me. you have that talent of boosting everyone else’s confidence! tanchu talz!

ofcourse, the TEE-TEE-ECH:

tina v./mate- i know we don’t go out as often…but without you, i could never have experienced cebu in all its totality..like you were always the one who pushed me to enjoy life, to go out, to party! ofcourse, love it when we wear matching outfits! hehe.. thanks for introducing me to the tee-tee-ech, tnx for making me see that there’s more to cebu thatn just the people in stc… =)

prets/bf- i know this year isn’t exactly our year… but that’s ok..i know that if ever i need help, your always there.. thanks for constantly making me feel that im an important part of your life, i really appreciate that bf.

russ/nibunch- thanks for taking care of me…for talking to your bro bear when i couldn’t relay things to her.. for trying to make me feel okay..for the many rides in your yellow cab! for all the bangkas! for letting me in on your life, for trusting me… tnx!

marian/ging- waah! uhm, thanks for all..for the overnights at your place…for the gym sessions.. even for tokie! haha! thanks also for helping me out with your dems before. one thing ill never forget is how you told me that you didn’t want to see me cry or didn’t want to see me weak. i was touched ging! thanks!

LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST (since i guess you were really the one who brought the BANG to year 2005)hehe

syndy/bb/dy/yot- thanks and no thanks! haha, just kidding! uhm, well, i have a lot of things to thank you also for this year…since you were the one who brought me a great deal of happiness (and MISERY!!!) this year. thanks for teaching me to enjoy the simple things in life, for teaching me that sometimes, some things are better left unspoken…that i have to be careful with what i have to say..that the world is bigger than you and me..that its wrong to invest 99% of your self in a relationship. for the many sunday afternoons of good companionship, for being there, for taming the shrew! haha..thanks.. for the food, for the shirt swapping, for the love, for the care… and even for leaving, because if that didn’t happen, i wouldn’t have discovered my weaknesses and most especially my strengths..and also, thanks for the friendship that we have now.

so that’s about all, for now… for those i haven’t mentioned, don’t worry i’ll make a part II…hehe… to those whom i already mentioned, thanks! i love you all.. =)

uh-oh. wrong move kaya?

i know, here i go again…. (for someone whom i hope and pray will never, ever be able to read this blog)

i know you never really anticipated something like this to happen, but well, it did. i don’t know if you have any idea, or any inkling at all how real this is, how even i try to shake this away, its there. its a scary realization, yet its kinda great too…

i have been in denial, trying to shake away a feeling that i know shouldn’t be there. and maybe i was confused whether there really is something because you all know that i have been nursing a broken mimi…and yet despite that, its just there. the intensity fluctuates, but its there. its real. and it scares me like hell….

i don’t know…maybe its because youre always there. or is it because things are just light and easy around you. or how despite all my efforts not to smile, you still bring it out of me…i know these all sounds crazy and freaky and terrifying in a way. and im actually scared shitless that you might be able to read this. and actually until now im still having a debate with myself whether im going to actually post this or not… but i guess maybe i will despite my fear. you know how i am, a daredevil…a hesitant daredevil though… whew!

i don’t know if this is a temporary thing, maybe it is…but geez how long til it goes away?  i tried to make it go away, swear…but i don’t know, its just still there…..remember when i told you, its not such a big challenge to love/like/adore(4 godsake!) someone like you….anyway…..

i’m still having that debate. but i really hope you never get to read this blog.

but if ever you do, well, surprise! (lame) but well, kidding aside, if ever you do, i don’t know…if ever you do…..

lets just put it this way, i value our friendship more than this…"thing". so there. i think im gonna post this now. whew! good luck nako!