and my point is…??

I don’t know if being overcome by a feeling of emotional detachment to the world is like a breath of fresh air to the once emotionally turbulent life that I led.  I don’t even know how this sense of being detached will last. But one thing is for sure, it sure beats the hell out of having to face nights where you cry yourself to sleep and having that nostalgically nauseous feeling everytime you hear a sad love song. It sure beats waking up each morning with a heavy heart, hurting from facing the fact that what’s done is done and that what’s lost can never be returned to you again. It certainly, absolutely, positively is so much better than all that–carrying too much emotional baggage and all.

But then after a while, you begin to analyze things and think hard if this is really what you want. I cannot really say that I have become 100% numb from everything that has happened in my life and that I’ve already considered my capability to feel as something that is a thing of the past. No. No man–woman can ever have that luxury at all. Thing is though, sometimes I miss days of having to think about waking up to a new day looking forward to something.  Having that excitement and zeal to do things because there’s an entity that inspires you to become happy and free-spirited. You see, life for me this days have been routine. Everything has become one big routine. Yeah there are excitements here and there, from time to time. But at the end of the day, it’s like, "What the heck, i’ts just another day."

And so going back to that emotional detachment thing, well yeah it’s so much better than having to walk around carrying a heavy heart. But come on, there’s got to be something better than losing your capability to feel! And so, maybe I’m looking for someone OR something that could probably spice things up a bit. Just A BIT though. Coz the last time I overdid it…man oh man. 

Life is really one big crazy cycle!

brain exercise

lest my mind gets rusty from too much "vacationing" and going through day to day activities with no brainer situations…i’ve decided that i’d post in my blog as often as i can so i can keep my mind going.  well, in this particular entry, i really have nothing substantial to say so if you’ve got anything else better to do, i suggest you click that little "x" inside that small square on the upper right portion of your screen. 

if you’re still reading this next paragraph then i assume that you did not follow my suggestion and chose to listen to my sensless blabbing. thank you. but it isn’t too late you know. that little "x" is still up there, and i bet its waving at you and saying "hey dude! you better click me right now or else you might become a manna clone!" duh. well so much for that nasty little "x." grr.

well seriously, i don’t have anything important to discuss right now. like maybe i’m just glad that i finally learned how i can get the archives of this blog. *great* i guess i’m just waiting for the days to just pass by. i can’t wait to go back to cebu and start working. people support and big foot ramos already called me and told me to call them when i get back so they can schedule me for an exam. it’s not exactly the greatest news of all, like "congratulations your HIRED." but atleast a response, especially right now, is HIGHLY appreciated.

to tell you seriously though, i don’t know which job to really pursue. i’m like torned right now with what is ideal and what is real. if i chose what is ideal (which for me is a fullfiling job that is related to my course–probably as a copywriter at Big foot), then chances are, i’d get a salary which would be probably enough for a simple life there in cebu…what with all the board and lodging and stuff that i would have to pay for myself. but if i get the job which is more closer to answering more than just my needs, then it would have to be at people support, which is a call center. then again, having to work at a graveyard shift isn’t exactly my kind of job. plus i’ve heard a lot of horror stories from some people i’ve known. and as if i didn’t get convinced, they had to warn me with "ayaw jud call center mans. AYAW JUD." whew!

but what the heck, no one’s hiring me yet. here i go again with too much thinking about stuff that i should not worry about–yet. see???? i’m sorry if you’d have to hear all these. but then again, don’t tell me i didn’t warn you! hahaha.. kidding. not really…

tribute to bloggers!

by now i guess everyone knows that friendster did some improvements again, and despite some confusement here and there, i think i kinda like the new look. for one, it advertises the blogs of your friends. you guys might not know it but i actually read your blogs, and though sometimes i feel like im prying into someone else’s private life, i begin to remember that its okay. after all, its general knowledge that a blog can be read by virtually anybody, which means, the writer, more or less, doesn’t really mind if you found out about their latest heartache, or that bad day they had at work, or whatever it is that they just vent or whine about in a blog.

i just enjoy reading blogs. why? because it constantly reminds me that i am not alone in this world! in blogs, i can see the humane side of everyone. for example,  reading *jessica’s* (**not her real name) blog reminded me that its human to hurt, to be stupid when you fall in love, to do wild things when your hurt just so that you would seem "not hurt." (you know what i mean "jess"..hehe) then there’s another friend of mine, whom i shall call *faith*, who i thought was a very insensitive, anti-mush kind of girl. the one who’d find it cheesy when you write about what you feel and so on. but when i read her blog, i saw the real her. i saw what kinds of emotions she was capable of showing. more importantly, i saw how great a writer she really is. i swear! i was so surprised after reading the entries in her blog because they were all great! the entries were so sincere and they hit the right emotion inside of you when you read them. 

then there are those blog entries that i shall call "i had a bad day" entry. these kinds of entries remind me that everyday won’t be all rainbows and butterflies because well–technically, shit really happens. reading this types make me feel that it’s normal…i just have to chill, relax… not be so self absorbed and keep asking the question "why is this happening to me? ME??? MEEEEEEEEE????" these entries tell me, "you’re not the ONLY one baby! there are millions of you out there."

i think blogs were created so that each one of us can have our own personal haven. where we can share anything, complain about anything, and vent everything. its also in blogs where we discover cosmic connections with other bloggers too. blogs also might as well serve as our bio datas because it tells a lot about ourselves. or a blog could also be one great novel about someone’s life.

so if you’re someone who’s a little hesitant to share about that significant experience in your life, don’t be. because somehow, somewhere, someone out there is learning from you, sharing the same experience with you, and thanking you for bravely having that entry published because it has just saved his/her life.