what’s left of me…

I just deleted a whole paragraph that I just typed earlier. And now I’m typing again…great.

I am finally here in my own sweet surrender  

And I await the coming of the dawn

Take my life as it has already served its own purpose…

Bared my soul, loved though unloved, gave without doubt, lived to the last drop of blood.

What is left of me…is what I’m not.

Tomorrow promises a new day. Does it also promise a new me? A new life? A new heart? A brand new heart…without scar, without blemish, without pain…Oh how sweet it would be to wake up one morning and not feel any sting, any stab of pain in one’s chest. To be invincible. How I’d give up anything to be invincible.

To be transformed into someone who does not know pain, nor happiness…to not feel anything. To be like a rock. To exist without living. To not have purpose. Such a sad, sad thought. But sometimes, I do dream of this.

I do dream of this…

Uso na diay na ron?

I am gonna be very vague in this post so don’t even bother trying to understand this.

It’s just that, I don’t get it at all. But oh well, everything’s fine from my end. No emotional stress whatsoever. Just questions that I probably won’t get the answers to. Again. Strike 3, your out! Hahaha..(see told you this post would be weird.)

I’m probably gonna get in trouble for this. But I hope not, though. I’m just taking it easy…Right bai? My bai is just so amazing, you know. The two of us have been sharing stuff with each other lately that apparently both of us could relate to. Hers is a bit more dificult though, I guess. I don’t know, it depends on how you see it.

By the way bai, thanks for listening to me…This could have probably driven me crazy had you not allowed me to share everything to you. Talking to her about stuff can be sooo amusing because she’s such a "kunsintidor." Nyahahaha…But ofcourse we both know to what extent I could take her seriously. She and her damned theories. Kaw jud bai, taka lang jud ka, buot2 lang jud pirmi!ü But no worries, this won’t faze me. It will just be probably swept away by the wind one of this days. Who knows, tomorrow something radically new would come our way again, so we just have to move on. Hahaha…

I wonder what is in store for me the next few months…Will I still be in this company? Will I [########scratch to read######] ? Will I turn out to be the asian version of Angelina Jolie?? (ok, dream on girl!) And so many "Will I’s?" that of course, I’ll never really get answers to unless they do happen.

It’s just that, I don’t have a profound insight on my life lately. I know I’m still in control, but I often get this uneasy feeling whenever my mind starts playing tricks on me. Analyzing and over analyzing can be pretty exhausting so I decided, together with Bai Filz, that it’s better not to sweat it out and just simply go where the wind would take us. Sakto ka bai, mao na gyud tingali ni ang uso ron.