scared*as*hell

Maybe I was just meant to help make it less painful…

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Still…there’s that 1-100% possibility. And all this could just be one big delusion. All too good to be true. If so, then please wake me up when I still have the ability to stand up from this. Before I would have had sacrificed every ounce of strength, reason or logic for this love I believe I feel.

Maybe I was just meant to help make it less painful…If so, did I make it less painful?

i guess people do cry when they’re happy too ü

i just had a sappy moment. ü

i woke up before dawn this morning  with an incredible feeling of elation and fear. Ah..such bittersweet contradiction, but sweet nonetheless.

True, true, good things come to those who wait. I waited for something that I thought would never come. For an impossibility that I never dreamed would ever cross my path like this…But yes, sometimes, there are those fortunate few whose prayers would really be granted. Well, well…lucky me. ü

And just thinking about it…and then basking in the thought, I couldn’t refuse this overwhelming urge to bawl my eyes out. So I did, I wept…I cried til my eyes caught dyspepsia and this clear sticky and goo-ie liquid threatened to run down my nose. (Gross, I know. ) I did this for about an hour…And when I tried to ask myself why I cried, I found myself at a loss for answers. I wasn’t miserable, I wasn’t in deep mortifying shtit…the last feeling I remembered before I went into a bawling session was happiness…there was a bit of fear, but it was more of happiness and contentment at the realiziation that I never waited in vain. So yes, it’s true..our tear ducts are also active during euphoria. ü

I guess that’s why there’s what we call "tears of joy". So to the One Supreme Being who is responsible for THIS, I thank Thee. Thank You for this wonderful blessing, for this lovely gift.

Thank You for these tears of joy.

CHAR LANG GUD. ü

Somehow after writing my 50th entry, I found writing my 51st  to be a great challenge…I didn’t want to create an entry that would’nt be as good as my previous entries…I felt pressured because I knew that some of my friends who are really good writers read my blog, and I wanted to deliver something that would be able to contribute something to them.

But then again, if that was going to be the case, I would’nt be writing for myself anymore. I would be writing for a public who might probably like what I wrote, but I won’t really be able to attain that personal sense of satisfaction.

Still, regardless of whom I will be writing for, myself, others…friends…a special someone…strangers…I do aim to get better at this…to be able to reveal a better me while making a better ME.

And what better time to write this 51st entry than at the beginning of the year! It’s a new year everyone, we all start off with a clean slate again…The mistakes of last year have already been forgotten and the happiness and joys are now only sweet memories. We are given another chance to live anew. To create another set of joys, another set of pains…It will never be the same each year, and like it or not, we just have to face each new year head on, with confidence that what lies ahead is a great adventure for us to discover.

Two of the greatest things I’ve learned from year 2006 is this:

1. Things always look better when you look at the bright side of any given situation, may it be the most drastic of circumstances.
2. Happiness is a choice.

These two lessons have kept my spirits high in situations where I would just normally prefer to mope in my room and shut out the world. One thing that I always try to remember is that no good will ever happen to you if you allow problems to put you down. Last year was a good year. I can say that I became a stronger and wiser person because of these two principles.

This year will be another story to tell. Well then, ces’t la vie!

……………………

My 51st entry, my introduction to a new chapter in my life.

Have a good 2007 everyone! I know I will. I just have to make it happen. =)